Fear

The only real failure in life is not to be true to the best one knows.
Buddha

It’s funny how fear can paralyze you. I’m talking about the fear of rejection. The fear of putting yourself out there. Either I shut down or talk about inane things, just so I don’t have to say what I really want to say. But…there are times when it propels me into a juggernaut! In other words, fear either totally immobilizes  me or makes me act stupid! For example, I was asked to present on a subject very near and dear to me to some of my company’s managers during a conference call. As I had plenty of time beforehand, I prepared my speech. Piece of cake! Beautiful? Not!!! Epic fail! My hands got sweaty, my mouth dry and I could barely even read it. And I am quite sure that the speed reading monotone I used could earn me the Oscar this year! Then comes team games and sports. Even when I’m pretty sure I know the answer, I am so afraid of being wrong or letting the team down that I don’t assert myself. Big mistake! Then there are the personal things like friends, kids, family members, co-workers, etc…I will watch them walk away and I can’t move or say a word. When they are gone I will fall apart because: A) I hurt them B) They hurt me C) A miscommunication happened and it grew bigger instead of being cleared up D) I either communicated ridiculously or failed to communicate at all, thereby conveying the message that I didn’t care when in fact, the complete opposite was true. I cared too much….

So where does this leave me on the brink of my reinvention? A new commitment, to acknowledge that it is not always easy for me, to share that information with the party that  my attempt at typical communication may in actuality look like sabotage. To stop, think and breathe and say what I think, despite the outcome!

Let us never negotiate out of fear. But let us never fear to negotiate.

~ John F. Kennedy 

“People fail to get along because they fear each other; they fear each other because they don’t know each other; they don’t know each other because they have not communicated with each other.” 
― Martin Luther King Jr.

Empty Nest

This year I joined the ranks of “empty nesters”. You don’t really think about them becoming adults when your children are growing up. CORRECTION! Sometimes you think about this all the time….ie: OMG, when will they grow up already?!?! But, for the most part, I thought they would be my babies forever. WRONG! I’m just here to say….hold them as long as you can (without smothering!).

Don’t wish it away. As parents, we spend a good amount of time wishing they would grow up faster, worrying that they will reach milestones on time or early.We all do it…oh, I wish she would walk already….when will we get him toilet trained?

Will they ever speak in a language we can understand?! Yea, next year preschool or elementary school or high school…These are great things to be excited about. Definitely mark their accomplishments, celebrate their achievements and growth. Be excited for them but keep things in the right time. Kids grow up so quickly. Don’t squander it.

Enjoy it….every moment! I am so lucky to have 2 beautiful young adults. I am a little afraid for them but know that they are going out prepared. Still, I wish I had told them: You are beautiful, intelligent and witty….and I wish I had reminded them: you can do anything that you put your minds to…also: you are the best thing that ever happened to me….and: I am so proud and honoured to be your mom. I wish I had said: I will miss you horrifically but am SO very excited for you…and: I will always be here for you… Oh, yeah, I did say all that!